You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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