you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just google imaged poop.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
