I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
