I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
