There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
