Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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