you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
