We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
