Don't make out with my wife yet
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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