Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
