Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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