I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
