There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
