woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize