He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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