Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
