We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Come share oat with me in your robe
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
