He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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