I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize