sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
