I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
