when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize