I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize