Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
