the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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