cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just want to make out with him forever
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
