A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
