she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
