hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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