I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
