Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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