: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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