I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
