Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
