I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
