So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
