...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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