my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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