he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
