I'm eating all of the evidence.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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