Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize