I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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