so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
