Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
