i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
