Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
