i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
