My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
