let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
