Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
