is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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