no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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