I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
