She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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