Got a toothbrush?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
