Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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