Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
