I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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