The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
