Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize