I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
