Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
