I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
