mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
