We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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