You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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