Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
