? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
