Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
