I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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