oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
