Porn is love you can see.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
